NIne years ago, I spent the summer at my mum’s house by the seaside, with my children, then aged 12 and 10. We had had many happy summers there, but this was not one of those. My mum had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She came up to live with us when things got really bad, and then when her team decided she was near the end, we decided to take her home and care for her there, so her friends could say goodbye.
I thought this would be a matter of a couple of weeks, and then we could enjoy what was left of the summer, that’s what the medical team implied. In fact she rallied when she got home – still terminal, but stable for a while, and as it turned out we were there for seven weeks – pretty much the entire summer. I still feel sorry that I put the children through this, watching her fade away, and dealing with my own grief while still doing my best to make fun for them where we could.
Grief is one of the most challenging experiences we face, especially when you’re trying to stay strong for your children. Losing a loved one can be an overwhelming and all-consuming experience, but as a parent, you often feel the need to remain resilient, not just for your own sake but for your children’s well-being, too. Navigating your grief while ensuring your children feel supported can seem impossible, but it is possible to find a balance. Here are some practical tips on keeping going and remaining strong for your kids during such a difficult time.
Acknowledge Your Grief
The first step in being strong for your children is acknowledging your grief and theirs. It’s crucial to understand that grieving is a natural response to loss, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Ignoring your emotions or bottling them up can make the grieving process longer and more painful. Instead, allow yourself to feel the sorrow, anger, and confusion that comes with loss. Your children will learn from your example that it’s okay to feel sad and that expressing emotions is a healthy part of healing.
Share Your Feelings with Your Children
Children are perceptive and often pick up on the emotions of those around them. Instead of trying to hide your grief, consider sharing your feelings with your children in an age-appropriate way. By doing this, you can create an open and honest environment where your children feel comfortable expressing their own feelings of loss. Let them know that it’s okay to be sad and that the family will go through grieving together. This shared experience can strengthen your bond and help everyone in the family feel less alone.
Establish Routines
Maintaining a sense of normality can be comforting in times of grief, especially for children. Establishing and sticking to routines can provide a sense of stability and security in a chaotic and unpredictable time. Keep up with regular meal times, bedtime routines, and other daily activities. This consistency will help your children feel safe and grounded, giving them a sense of control amidst the emotional turmoil.
Find Comfort in Meaningful Keepsakes
Creating lasting memories of your loved one can provide comfort during the grieving process. One way to do this is by incorporating ashes jewellery into your life. Ashes jewellery, such as rings for ashes, allows you to carry a small part of your loved one with you, keeping their memory close to your heart. These pieces are not only beautiful but also serve as a constant reminder of the bond you shared. Wearing ashes jewellery can be a subtle yet powerful way to feel connected to your loved one while providing a source of strength as you navigate your grief.
Lean on Your Support System
It’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through this difficult time alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a support group for help. Talking about your feelings with others who have experienced loss can be incredibly comforting and provide you with different perspectives on coping with grief. Allow your support system to step in when you need a break, whether that’s taking care of your children for a few hours or simply listening when you need to talk. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Take Care of Your Physical Health
Grief can take a toll on your physical health as well as your mental well-being. It’s easy to neglect your body’s needs when you’re grieving, but taking care of your physical health is crucial for maintaining the strength you need to support your children. Ensure you eat balanced meals, stay hydrated, and get enough rest. Regular physical activity, even just a short walk each day, can help boost your mood and provide a much-needed break from the intensity of your emotions.
Seek Professional Help if Needed
Sometimes, the weight of grief can be too much to bear alone. If you find yourself struggling to cope, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counsellor can provide you with tools and strategies to manage your grief and support your children through this difficult time. Don’t hesitate to seek help if you feel overwhelmed; there’s no shame in needing extra support to get through such a challenging period.
Conclusion
Grieving while trying to stay strong for your children is no easy task. Still, by acknowledging your emotions, maintaining routines, finding comfort in meaningful keepsakes like ashes and jewellery, and seeking support when needed, you can navigate this difficult time with resilience. Remember that it’s okay to grieve and to lean on others for help. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be better equipped to take care of your children and guide them through their grief journey.
